(upbeat music) (audience applauding) - Good evening and welcome to a special edition of the very best bits from this series of "Would I Lie to You?"

Joining David Mitchell tonight are, Richard Osman.

Claudia Winkleman.

Samantha Morton.

AJ Odudu.

Miles Jupp.

Laura Whitmore.

Lou Sanders.

Chris McCausland.

Sara Barron.

And Raj Bisram.

And joining Lee Mack tonight.

Bob Mortimer.

Sara Pascoe.

Les Dennis.

Mr.

Motivator.

Stephen Hendry.

Sindhu Vee.

The Reverend Kate Bottley.

And Alex Horne.

Stephen, you are first up.

- Before every world championship final, I used to give a motivational team talk to my snooker cue.

Or as I called him, Sir Pots-a-lot.

(crowd laughing) - [ROB] David's team.

- I hope that's true.

I just hope it's true.

- Could you give us a flavor of the motivational talk you'd give Sir Pots-a-lot?

- I used to put him in sort of the corner of the dress room.

- Stephen, I don't want to interrupt your flow, but if you are going to... - Oh god, he's not looking for drugs again, is he?

(crowd laughing) - This, and it's not just any cue, this is a cue signed by one of the greatest snooker players of all time.

Ronnie O'Sullivan.

(audience laughing) - Now why don't you recreate the motivational talk?

- You're in the dressing room, ready to go out.

You've done your practice.

And it's just, come on, it's me and you today.

You and I get to the table.

We're just gonna pot every ball.

We're gonna clear up and win the frame.

Come on, Sir Pots-a-lot.

(audience laughing) - I feel motivated.

- Stephen, I'm buying into this.

But if you were playing and it wasn't going that well, and you came in for the break, would you give it a stern talking to?

(audience laughing) - I would sometimes come in and say, what are you doing?

You know, because obviously it has nothing to do with me.

(audience laughing) - When did you first acquire Sir Pots-a-lot?

- 14.

- You were 14 years old?

- Yeah, then it got actually broken.

Later on in my career.

I had come back from Thailand.

- Yes.

- We couldn't take the cues on board after 9/11.

- Yes.

- So we had to put them in the luggage.

- That's the problem with 9/11.

The queues got a lot worse, didn't they?

(audience laughing) - Very good.

- I do believe it's true, because I think it's the kind of thing that successful sportsmen do.

They have these little quirks, and it's what makes them amazing.

And Stephen was amazing.

- Thank you.

(audience applauding) - [ROB] Now Laura.

- Yes.

- [ROB] What do you think?

- I think it's true, because when you speak about Sir Pots-a-lot, your eyes light up and you're so enthusiastic and excited.

So for that alone, I just feel like no one else could get that excited about a stick.

So, I think it's true because of that.

(audience laughing) - I must admit, I'm pretty lost without my stick.

(audience laughing) I'll give it a talking to.

Now, we need to get to the bank today.

Are you feeling up to your game?

- Have you given your stick a name though?

- Sir Finds-a-lot.

(audience laughing) - [ROB] David, what about you?

- When did you name your cue Sir Pots-a-lot?

- It was a name actually my granny gave it, so.

- I have to say, if this a lie, I'm going to totally re-evaluate you as a human being.

(audience laughing) I can believe that, firstly in high pressure sporting situations there's gonna be a certain amount of superstition.

You want to do the same thing again and again and again.

That's why I never wear trousers for this show.

(audience laughing) In a way there's a clash, isn't there, between the triviality of Sir Pots-a-lot and the seriousness of the pep talk, and yet the story about the grandmother giving the name.

Oh yes, that makes sense of it, doesn't it?

Yes, of course.

There would be something lovable in that very triviality, because of the family link.

So it's either true, or it is a diabolical lie.

(audience laughing) - David's been under a lot of pressure recently.

- I'm gonna take a risk on true.

If only one more time, I'm going to believe.

- You're going to dare to dream.

- Yeah.

- All right, Stephen Hendry, were you telling us the truth about Sir Pots-a-lot or were you telling us a lie?

- It was a diabolical lie.

- Oh!

(audience applauding) - [ROB] Okay, AJ, you're next.

- Okay, I once had to interview Lady Gaga using an American accent because her manager told me there was no way she'd be able to understand my northern voice.

- Can you repeat that?

- Yeah, not a word.

(audience laughing) - So, your accent, you are from?

- Blackburn, Lancashire.

An exotic place.

- I grew up in Blackburn.

- Did you now?

- Hey, maybe we were in the same year at school.

- Unlikely.

(audience laughing) What school did you go to?

- I went to a school that was confusingly called Everton High School.

Which was in Blackburn.

- Been abolished though, hasn't it?

- It's been demolished.

- Demolished!

- It's not been abolished, it's been demolished, and has my dad's house and has the house we lived in before that.

- Oh my!

- Every comedian's dream to have a blue plaque outside their house, but they're just wiping all history of me.

- Oh my god.

The hospital I was born in has been knocked down as well.

And now it's a block of flats across from what used to be where we used to go shopping, Kwik Save, that's been knocked down too!

- My mom used to work at Kwik Save.

I hope she got out before they knocked it down.

(audience laughing) I haven't seen her for awhile.

- They've even knocked down the brewery.

- Have they?

- Oh my gosh!

- Wow.

- I'm going to step in at this point and just see if we can open the show out to people who didn't grow up in Blackburn.

So, you were interviewing Lady Gaga.

- Lady Gaga.

(audience laughing) - Why... shut up.

Why were you interviewing Lady?

- I was presenting a music TV show.

- Of course.

- And yeah, she was promoting one of her brand new singles.

- How far did you get into the interview before Lady Gaga said, I haven't understood a single word this lady has said to me?

- I was chatting away, asking a lot of questions, really liked her outfit.

- I just want a figure, just a number.

(audience laughing) Just minutes.

- I said, oh I don't know, like two minutes.

- And when you did the American, did she do Blackburn from then on?

(audience laughing) - Lady Gaga!

- All right.

What are you thinking?

- Well, I think it's true because-- - Why?

- Well, because it's very plausible that AJ has interviewed Lady Gaga.

And it's also plausible that Lady Gaga just doesn't understand more than one kind of accent.

- Well here's the thing, can you understand what she's saying?

- Yes, because I'm bright.

(audience laughing) - Hey!

- Are you struggling to understand her Lancashire accent?

- No.

This is where I'm worried that it might not be true, because I think every word-- - [LEE] Very clear, isn't it?

- [ALEX] It is pretty clear.

- And the other thing about Americans is, I find, as someone from the north myself, that they think we're all posh.

They just think everyone with an English accent is posh.

So we all sound the same to them.

- Mate, they do not think you're posh!

Let me tell you that right now!

(audience laughing) - What are you going to say on behalf of your team?

- Right, well, I don't know.

- I'm saying true.

- True.

- Okay, we're gonna go true, but I can't understand why Lady Gaga can't understand her accent.

- All right, so you're saying true.

Okay, AJ, were you telling us the truth or were you telling us a lie?

- I was telling you a lie!

(audience applauding) - Bob, you're next.

- I once helped Damon Hill to Grand Prix success by presenting him with a pre-race snack.

- [ROB] David's team.

- Well, it certainly tripped off the tongue.

(audience laughing) - Thank you.

- What was the snack?

- A scotch egg.

(audience laughing) - And is there a definite correlation between him eating that scotch egg and him being successful?

- He felt that the scotch egg had helped him succeed in the race.

He told me so.

- Is Damon Hill a close friend, Bob?

- No.

No.

- Then why were you giving him food stuff?

- Well, I'd been invited to the Grand Prix.

- [DAVID] Which Grand Prix?

- The British.

- [DAVID] In which year?

- [LEE] Think.

- 1996, David.

But I'm not willing to exclude four years either side of that.

Put it this way, it was definitely one of the decades.

(audience laughing) - Do you like racing then?

- No, I'm not a Formula 1 fan.

- [SAMANTHA] Right.

- I probably prefer soil science.

- [SAMANTHA] Okay.

(audience laughing) - Who was he driving for?

- He was driving for a company.

(audience laughing) That had very fast company cars.

(audience laughing) - So, why were you permitted access to a major racing driver?

- Because his manager, Shane Tobacco.

(audience laughing) I don't know, I can't remember his name.

- You can't remember his name.

- Shane, or whoever it was, was also with another bloke.

You know, a benefit from hospitality.

- What was his name?

- Let's say Top Heavy Ken.

(audience laughing) But I remember we went upstairs on the bus.

Damon was there, he had a bed in there.

- Like a sort of Winnebago?

- Yeah, and it had mugs with "I love cars," "I love handbrakes."

"I love headrests."

- And this is the day of the race?

- David, this is just like an hour and a half before the race.

- An hour and a half before the race.

You've turned up an hour and a half early.

Because even though you're more into soil science, you want to soak up the atmosphere with a good hour and a half of waiting before the televised traffic begins?

- Yes.

- So you turn up, the last thing Damon needs before a race is any quiet time.

He just wants a bit of hubbub on his bus.

Were there any other people there apart from you and Shane and Damon?

- I was with my wife as well, yeah.

- Okay.

- And uh... - Top Heavy Ken?

(audience laughing) - So me and the wife went up.

I think when you go to someone's home or their Winnebago, or whatever, you should... Do you know like if you were going to a dinner party at someone's house you'll always take them a bottle of vinegar, yeah?

- So your gift to thank him for the hospitality was a scotch egg?

- No.

I call it pocket meat.

Whenever I'm out away, whenever I'm away from the house, I have pocket meat.

- [DAVID] Yeah?

- I have like a chicken leg or a pork pie.

And I thought, I've got some pocket meat.

It was a scotch egg in its cellophane.

And I said, Damon we all know that if you pop a sausage roll in an American's pocket, it brings him good luck.

I said, maybe a scotch egg would work for a British fellow like you.

And I gave it to him.

- Is that a thing?

- Yeah, very much.

- What that if you put meat in an American's pocket... - Processed meat.

- [ROB] Have you ever heard of that?

- Not really, no.

- No.

- It's been a bit of a lot of talking.

Did you... (audience laughing) And I've quite forgotten the original bit of the story.

Did he eat said scotch egg before the race?

- I'll never know, Samantha.

But after the race, he said that he took the scotch egg around with him.

He swore he did.

- [SAMANTHA] In the car?

- I don't know whether he put in the glove box, on the passenger seat.

(audience laughing) Or whether he ate it.

- But Bob, you're not claiming that he ate the egg.

- All I'll say is that when I was watching, when Damon went past, and his tail wind, a person next to me said, Damon's tail wind smelt really meggy.

Which of course is meat and egg.

(audience laughing) - [ROB] So, what are we thinking, Sam?

- Do you know what?

Sometimes stories are so mad that they've got to be true.

- What I would say here is be wary when it comes to Bob.

- Do you remember, David, I think it was the last time Bob was with us, he told us Chris Rea told him to put an egg into his bath.

- I couldn't remember was that true?

- [DAVID] No.

- [ROB] But you believed it was true.

- Yes.

(audience laughing) - [ROB] Miles, what are you thinking?

- Well, I think you're sort of cynically using this as an opportunity to tout your kind of charms.

And you're hoping to kind of drum up work and that your agent's going to get lots of phone calls saying, oh, would Bob Mortimer be able to slip Gareth Bale a pasty?

And stuff like this.

(audience laughing) I think it's a lie.

- You think it's a lie?

But you think it's true.

- I'm on the fence.

- [ROB] Oh dear.

- This is a horrible situation, I don't know.

My instinct is, it's a lie.

- You're saying lie, okay.

Bob Mortimer, a lucky scotch egg for Damon Hill at the British Grand Prix.

Truth or lie?

- I was telling the truth.

(audience laughing) - [LEE] He's done it again.

- Ha, ha, ha, ha!

- It is an impossible situation!

One egg thing is true, the other egg... How could I have disbelieved the wrong egg thing?

(audience laughing) - [ROB] Right, Mr.

Motivator, you're next.

- Everyday, I do one press up for each year I've been alive.

- [ROB] Okay, David's team.

- How many years have you been alive?

- That's what he says at speed dating.

How long have you been alive?

- [ROB] Well, I'll tell you what, before you say-- - You won't be for much longer.

- Before you say, Mr.

Motivator, let's just see how old we think.

- It's hard to tell because he has the face of a 50-year-old and the clothes of a 14-year-old.

(audience laughing) - [ROB] What are you going to say?

- I'm going to add them together.

No, I'm going to say... I'm going to say late 50s, 58.

- [ROB] Okay, Mr.

Motivator?

- 67.

- [LEE] Wow!

(audience applauding) - Mr.

Motivator, obviously doing 67 would be inhumane.

Maybe do one or two, just so we can witness the technique.

- Well, I mean, if some of you guys would do them with me.

- I'm just going to say at this point, there are no circumstances under which I will do a press up.

(audience laughing) - David, what if it was a different exercise?

Would you do like a jumping jack or a burpee?

- What's a burpee?

- It's where Victoria puts you over her shoulder and pats your back.

(audience laughing) - I'm happy to do 'em with you, Mote.

- Okay.

Now remember, I have a shoulder issue.

- You've got a shoulder problem?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, me too.

- But I'll do it.

- Okay.

(audience cheering) I'll go here.

So I've gotta do what you're doing now.

- Yeah, you've gotta do what I'm doing.

- [DAVID] That's not a press up.

- We are warming up, you idiot.

You know nothing about the body.

- Let's do it on the edge.

- On the edge?

- Like this, all right?

Here we go, let's go!

Go.

Pushing it, come on, guy.

- I'm doing it.

(audience cheering) - Very good, keep going.

- I thought we weren't going to do 67?

(audience cheering) - That's really amazing.

- I'm out.

- [SARA] Rob, you did amazing.

(audience cheering) - I think it's fair to say, Rob, that you surpassed everybody's expectations.

- I'll be fine in a minute.

It was like something out of "Rocky," wasn't it?

- It was impressive, that.

- It was great, that was good.

- [ROB] Thank you very much.

- It's kind of nice.

- So Dan, what do you think?

Truth or lie?

- I was tempted to say lie.

Then I saw the ease with which he did that and I'm thinking, true.

- [ROB] What do you think?

- I'm leaning towards a lie.

But I'll let you have the deciding vote.

- I've got the deciding vote anyway.

(audience laughing) I'm gonna go true.

- They're saying it's true.

Mr.

Motivator, was it true?

- True!

(audience applauding) - [ROB] Kate, you're next.

- Can I just say before you start, this whole thou shalt not lie, let that go for a couple of hours.

(audience laughing) - One Sunday I embarrassed myself in front of the entire congregation after too many cups of communion wine.

- [ROB] David's team.

- So cups of communion wine?

Had you over catered and you had to finish it up?

- Yeah, basically, that's what happened.

So, the rule is that if you bless the wine, it then has to be reverently consumed, is the phrase.

So you have to finish it.

I guess where it comes from is that, you know, once it's blessed it sort of changes, if you like.

It's not just normal wine anymore.

- Well, as usual the issue of transubstantiation has come up on the show.

So, if it's the blood of Christ, you can't just pour that down the sink.

You've gotta drink it.

Because Christ wants all of his blood finished up.

(audience laughing) - So I had lots of it, because I look after lots of churches.

And so I had lots of services that day.

- That must be very difficult.

- Yeah, well, it's lots of dashing about.

- You say it's difficult.

It's only one day a week, innit?

(audience laughing) I mean, the hours are good, aren't they?

(audience laughing) - You can fall out with people, you know?

(audience laughing) - Not if you're full of forgiveness.

(audience laughing) - So how many have you got under you?

- Well, at that point I had three churches that I looked after.

And so I had an eight o'clock service, a 9:30 service, and an 11 o'clock service.

I finished the eight o'clock wine.

And then I finished the wine at the 9:30 service.

And I'd not had any breakfast that morning.

- Ah!

- Oh.

- So at 11 o'clock, I'd given all the wine out.

- [CLAUDIA] Lovely.

- Like you do.

- Given some of the wine out and polished off the rest of it.

- I misjudged how many people might come up for the wine.

- Yeah.

Well, they're probably scared of the drunken woman, weren't they?

(audience laughing) - I finished the wine.

And I looked down at the cup at the same time, and there's a little floater of bread that someone had spat back into the cup.

(crowd groaning) - Oh no!

- And that's what made me feel a bit queasy.

And so, I excused myself at that point and I went to the church loo.

- Oh!

- And so I was unwell.

- Oh no.

- Okay.

- Into the loo.

- But you didn't embarrass yourself.

You go off, you come back, divine.

- Oh, yes.

Where is the embarrassment?

- In the eyes of God!

(audience laughing) - I got to the loo and I had my microphone still turned on.

(gasping) - Oh!

- Oh.

- And that went out on the church PA system.

- The acoustics in some of those medieval buildings.

The sound of vomiting would echo down.

From all the angels, the stained glass.

It would be like God himself was vomiting.

- I'm wondering if afterwards, did any of your congregation have a nickname for you or make fun of you in subsequent weeks?

- They thought I was pregnant.

(gasping) - And did you use that as an excuse to make you look better?

- Well, I wouldn't say I used it, but I didn't carry tables for a few days, and chairs.

(audience laughing) - Sara, what are you thinking?

- My instinct is telling me, ah!

My instinct is telling me that it's a lie.

Because I think she's more in control than that.

- I think it's a lie.

- You think it's a lie?

- I don't know!

- I don't know.

It's impossible to know.

All right, we're gonna go lie.

- [ROB] All right, you're saying lie.

- It might be true, except that it might be true.

We're gonna go lie.

- So, Kate, was it true or was it a lie?

- It was... true.

- Yay!

Well done, Kate.

- Sorry, I'm sorry.

- Sam, you're next.

- Um.

- [ROB] Out loud.

- Oh, sorry!

(audience laughing) - When Tom Cruise came to England, I took him to Argos because he wanted to buy an extension lead.

- Of course, Samantha starred with Sir Thomas in... (audience laughing) In "Minority Report."

Excellent film.

Lee's team.

- [LEE] So, why was he coming to London?

- It was the premiere.

- Of "Minority Report?"

- Yeah, we'd taken over this floor of the Dorchester for the premiere.

And he's got one end with his entourage and I've got the other end with my child and someone who helped me.

And his assistant came over and said, they needed an extension lead.

- You don't know what the lead is for, particularly?

- Well, I eventually did, but not in that first moment, no.

- Oh, okay, sorry, what was it for?

- A bit rude to ask, as well, when someone says.

Even if it's not Tom Cruise.

I'm looking to buy an extension lead.

What's it for?

What machine do you need to get nearer to you?

- I definitely think the way you talk, David, it would be rude.

(audience laughing) - Basically, we were going out anyway, because I needed to get a bottle warmer.

And I don't know why, I think something just came over me and I was like, do you fancy coming out with me to Argos?

- So you end up in Argos with Tom Cruise.

- Yes!

- What did he think of the little pens?

- He probably thought they were massive!

(audience laughing) Talk us through the bit when you ask Tom.

- I'll be Tom.

Hey, Sam!

(audience laughing) Really stoked about tonight!

(audience laughing) You know what I learned to do in the last five hours?

Fly a helicopter.

Okay, what are we gonna do?

- That was a bit Al Pacino, then.

- It was a bit, wasn't it?

It drifted into... What are we gonna do tonight?

(audience laughing) I'm doing Al Pacino.

- It's brilliant, actually.

- Thank you, Samantha.

- I wish I could do Ellen Barkin, but I can't.

- Oh, "Sea of Love."

- Oh my god!

- Oh, this city, what it does to people.

Nom, nom, nom, nom.

(audience laughing) - I can't do Ellen Barkin, but I can do Lassie barking.

- I was in "Lassie."

- You were in "Lassie," the film?

- Yeah.

But I got into trouble with Lassie because they tell everyone no food on set.

And I'd forgotten or whatever, and so I'd always be eating me sandwiches and then Lassie would be doing a take and then... (sniffing) (audience laughing) It's like, what's going on?

Anyway, in the end they realized it was me and me sandwiches.

- And then you took Lassie to Argos to buy a lead.

(audience laughing) - Bob, what do you think?

Is Sam telling the truth?

- I like her a lot.

- [ROB] You like her?

- [BOB] Yeah, I feel-- - Well, that's all that matters.

- Yeah.

- So Bob says it's true.

- I think so.

- And Sara says it's... - It's believable.

- Okay, we'll say it's true.

- You're gonna say it's true.

Okay, Samantha, truth or lie?

- It's a lie.

- Ah!

(audience applauding) - [ROB] It was a lie.

Les, your next.

- I like to keep my old fingernail clippings so I can use them later on.

- Ugh.

- Oof.

- David's team.

- What do you use them for later on?

- Well, if I've had a sandwich.

- Oo.

- Ugh!

- And I have forgotten to get hold of a toothpick.

- Ugh!

- No, no!

- So you keep your old fingernail clippings?

- If I get a really good one... - [LOU] No!

- That's got a nice hook in it.

- [DAVID] Yeah?

- Then I'll save it for later.

- Save it for later?

- Oh god.

- As you cut your fingernails, you're thinking ahead?

- Yeah.

- For when you might next need to pick your teeth?

- Yeah.

- But you don't think, another way of thinking ahead would just be to have some toothpicks with you all the time.

- But the thing about toothpicks is, they don't quite get in, do they?

- Ugh!

- Les, are you single at the moment?

- No, I'm married.

For the third time.

- Oh.

- Well, she already told you twice.

(audience laughing) - Does your third wife know about this?

- She does and she does the same reaction as you lot do.

- What do you think your fourth wife is going to think about it?

- So what about floss?

- How does she feel about it?

(audience laughing) All right, Richard, what are you thinking of this?

- I'm appalled is what I'm thinking.

- What about you, Lou?

- I'm hoping it's a lie.

- Yeah, we're all hoping it's a lie.

- The thing is, if Les doesn't do it, someone had to make it up.

And I almost think that's sort of equally unlikely, that someone in their job in television thought, I'll tell you what I'll get Les Dennis to say on TV.

That he cuts his fingernails and uses it to pick his teeth.

And I think that's almost as perverted as actually doing it.

- [ROB] What are you going to say, truth or lie?

- We're gonna go lie.

We'll go lie.

- [ROB] Okay, he's saying it's a lie.

So Les, it was a controversial one.

Everybody's on tender hooks.

Truth or lie?

- Um... It is, and I promise not to do it anymore now.

(audience laughing) - Ugh!

(audience applauding) - Sean, would you please reveal your true identity?

- I'm Sean and Raj used to rip my shirt off for money.

- No way, Raj!

(audience applauding) - Yes, Sean is Raj's bare chested buddy.

And we can now see the trick.

So, you're gonna need to wear masks for this, please.

Sean, you take a position there in the chair and then over to you, Raj.

- Well, I would simply get Sean out as my stooge.

We'd act as if we didn't know each other and I'd say, good evening, how are you?

And I would undo his wrist button.

And then I would undo this button.

And then as you can see, I'd undo this button.

And then all I'd say is on the count of three, we'd say some magic words.

And tonight they are, would I lie to you?

So on the count of three.

One, two, three.

- [CROWD] Would I lie to you?

- Whoa!

- Oh, hang on.

What's happened?

I've nearly killed him.

(audience laughing) - Oh my god.

(audience laughing) - That's the greatest thing that's ever happened on this show.

(audience laughing) - Is Sean all right?

- Who cares?

(audience laughing) - [JOSH] Raj!

- He's fine.

- I love the idea that you had to put masks on for safety reasons.

(audience laughing) And it almost took his head off.

- Well, that's all we have time for on this special edition of "Would I Lie to You?"

Thanks very much for watching, goodnight.

(audience applauding) (upbeat music)